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Why Me ?
by starman_uk (aest) © aest
Sooner or
later every one asks the question, "Why did it
happen to me ?"
I
struggled with that question for years until I found
understanding therapists. Lets get some things straight
before we go on to look at this question deeper. Your
abuser will no doubt of made you feel that the abuse
happened because it was your fault in some way. In asking
the above question, you are trying to find out what you
did wrong. The ONLY thing that you did
wrong was to believe your abuser, and whoever that was LIED
to you, and USED you. Other than that
you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know
that putting it that simply won't be good enough for you
yet, so I shall try to explain the answer a little better
if I can. Hopefully the simple answer will be enough for
you one day soon.
Let us start by having a look at the person who first
sexually abused you, when you were young. They were older
than you, wiser and knew what they were doing. They will
of probably of had to plan well before hand to make sure
that they could get you alone, in order to be able to
abuse you. This means that not only did they know what
they were doing, they also knew what they wanted to do
for some time before anything happened the first time.
There is thus NO WAY that you seduced them, and no way
that you are to blame, no matter what excuses they gave
you. At the age that you were, you probably knew little
if anything to do about sex. Your abuser, on the other
hand, being older knew what was happening. It is unlikely
to of made any difference to your abuser if they sexually
abused a boy or a girl, you were a child. That is all
that the abuser wanted, a child, basically any child that
they could get by themselves, and manipulate into keeping
quiet about what happened.
It is unlikely that you will be the only person that your
abuser will of abused. If the abuser was a member of your
family, or a close family friend, then it is possible
that your brothers or sisters may also of been abused.
What I am trying to do is to get you to realize that it
happened to you ONLY because the abuser could get you
alone, and it was safe for them. For the simple reason
that the circumstances within your family meant that you
could be got alone, then it is also possible that you may
of been abused by more than one person. By the time that
I was 9 years old I had been abused by five different
people that I can remember. That does not make it my
fault, it's just that I could be gotten alone, and
possibly having been abused once, another abuser could
spot how vulnerable I was.
I know that it can be tempting at times to blame yourself
for some of the situations that you have found yourself
in, or put up with in your past, but as long as you have
not hurt anyone else on purpose it is self defeating and
pointless. The abuse that you went through as a child had
such a devastating, brain washing, effect on you, that
you were conditioned to respond almost instinctively in
certain ways, without much, if any, conscious thought. It
is not until you are on the path to recovery, that you
can start to undo all the lies and misinformation, and
start to make informed choices. Until you accepted that
the abuse has had an effect upon you, then you had no way
of understanding that you were doing things because of
the abuse. At times your childhood pre-programming may
still take over, but with the passage of time you will be
able to take more control, little by little.
© aest.org.uk /
starman_uk
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