Nightmares and Survivors
copyright starman_uk (AEST) 1997 to 2005

Nightmares are yet another one of the problems that victims usually tend to suffer. Apart from sleep disturbance and the problems that lack of sleep will inevitable cause, the fear that the nightmare causes will very often linger for hours, if not days. Although it may well be that during recovery work the amount of these nightmares may increase, I can say from experience that, as with most problems, things do improve.

Although I am not an expert, and I can not tell you the exact cause of such vivid dreams, I have managed to gain a reasonable insight into the subject.

It may well be that you do not consciously remember how you felt when you were abused, but your subconscious will not of forgotten. It is understandable if your mind has blocked out the emotions that you felt during the abuse. It is one of the ways that the mind protects its self. It may even seem that it is almost like it happened to someone else, on you, when you think about the abuse. Your body was there, but parts of your mind was not. However, in dreams, this self protection does not work. All of the fear comes flooding back.

When you start to ask yourself the many the questions such as, "why did I not hit him" or "why did I not run away," you are still unreasonably blaming yourself. When you go to bed, these thoughts are still floating through the back of your mind. The brain uses the time that we are asleep to reorganize some of its memory, and since your subconscious can remember how you felt when you were abused, you tend to dream about bits of it. These dreams are the minds way of saying "hang on a minute, I was terrified, it was not my fault. " The dream replays the emotions that you were feeling at the time of the abuse, especially the fear. The result is that you tend to wake up trembling, sweating, still with the fear. If you can remember the dream you may be able to rationalize that fear, but it is likely that the fear will remain for some time. Some days you may not even remember dreaming, but will go through the morning feeling on edge and jumpy.

If these types of dreams become a problem for you then there are some things that you can do to help yourself a little. Try to go to bed when you are sleepy. Laying awake for hours before you fall asleep will not relax you, more so if you are by yourself. If you have a partner then be honest with them, give them a cuddle if you wake up in the night. Sleep with a night light on so that the room is not dark if you wake up, and you can see where you are. If you have no partner and sleep alone, take a teddy to bed with you, or put an extra pillow in the bed and cuddle that, anything that will help to make you feel more secure. Please do not think that taking a teddy to bed is too childish, because it is the memories of your inner child that tend to cause the nightmares, therefore a teddy is appropriate, and often works.

Try to drink less caffeine rich drinks, as caffeine is a strong stimulant. Remember that it's not just coffee that contains caffeine, as tea, cocoa, and several soft drinks all contain it as well. A drink of warm milk before going to bed will do you better that any of the above. Put a radio on low and it will help to cover outside sounds.

Make a list of the "but I could of done" and similar type thoughts on paper, and then leave those thoughts there, until you can talk them through with your counsellor, friend or who ever you trust. If you reduce the self blame you will hopefully find that the amount of nightmares will also reduce.