Dealing with the bad days 

During your voyage of recovery, it would be foolish to think that you will not have off days, bad days and even downright bloody crap days. It would there for be beneficial for you to plan for these days, so that you can limit your suffering. A damage limitation plan.

On days like the above it is likely that you will feel like doing very little at all, and you will probably be despondent that you have not accomplished very much. Possibly something has gone wrong for you, and instead of you seeing it as a minor setback you consider that you have failed. Possibly someone has said something that you have taken the wrong way, and you feel rejected. There are several choices that you have in order to cope with these types of days. You could stay in bed and do nothing, but that will not improve things for you. You could go out and get inebriated, but that will use up a lot of your money, you would be likely to say too much to strangers in the pub, you may antagonize some one in the pub and get hit. As you can see, going and getting sloshed is therefore not a wise course of action to take, and the problem will still be there the next day, harder to face because of a hangover. So what are we left with, we need to form our damage limitation plan.

If you are feeling that your goals are unbelievable, then it may be worth while reevaluating things, and breaking your aims down into smaller, more feasible stages. It is not a sign of failure, but rather one of wisdom.
On the bad days, it is likely that you will not feel like eating very much, and your stomach may even fell a little queasy. Light foods such as rice pudding, ice-cream or tinned fruit are easy to keep down, and once you have eaten a little, it often makes you feel hungry enough to eat some more. I found that by baking scones, the smell of them cooking would be enough to make me want to eat them. The time spent cooking also kept me occupied. If you regularly go through periods of several days eating little, it is possibly advisable to take vitamins tablets at such times, as not having enough vitamins and minerals for the brain to work on is likely to make mood swings worse. Having a few biscuits with your tea or coffee will help to boost your calories intake, and a bowl of high fibber cereal will keep your digestive system working.

If you have a video recorder, try to keep a few comedy programs on tape that you like, as it may help cheer you up. Give a friend a ring on the telephone, and ask if they can spend an hour with you, if they are not otherwise occupied, but don't take it as rejection if they are otherwise busy. It would be unrealistic to expect people to be able to drop all their plans for you every time. If you are feeling extremely low, contact your therapist, or one of the telephone help lines. If you have the cash to spare, go and watch a good film, it will get you out of the house for a while and take your mind of things.

If you live alone, then housework often gets left undone for several days when you are feeling down in the dumps. If you can, try to tidy up a bit, even if it means doing ten minutes at a time. When your mood starts to lift, an untidy house tends to make it harder to get back on your feet. A long soak in a warm bath listening to a BATTERY powered radio is something that a lot of people find relaxing, but NEVER take a mains powered radio into the bathroom.

If you are a smoker then it is a good idea to leave a packet of cigarettes, or hand rolling tobacco, in a draw so that you do not have to go without if you run out when shops are closed. Likewise, try to make sure that you have an excess of your basic needs in stock. Such things as electricity, gas and food. My worst, lonely, crap winters night, a couple of years ago was one with no cigs, and the electric meter ran out. I do not recommend it at all.

Keep a list of your achievements, it will help to boost your self-confidence. Also if you start to feel that you are not getting anywhere it will be helpful to be able to refer to a list. A good way to help keep yourself motivated, is to make a list of your goals. Make them as realistic and achievable as possible. Against each of your goals, list as many advantages that you will gain possible. The more advantages that you can think of the better, and it will help to keep your determination going throughout your recovery.

You will find that as your guilt and shame levels reduce, the crap days become fewer. They will become shorter in length and easier to get over. Do not feel guilty about them afterwards. It is inevitable that you will have off days, and a few bad days does not mean that you have failed. Try to jot down the things that got you down, and leave those thoughts on paper. Once you are back up on your feet again, you can look at them with a clear mind.

Once you have been through your bad patch, think about the things that made it hard to pick yourself up again. That way you may be able to remove some of the obstacles, so that if you have another bad patch, then recovering from then may be easier. One of the things that got at me when I was trying to pick myself up again, was the state of the living room walls. A quick coat of paint soon removed that problem. I now make sure that I have a wide range of food in the freezer, so that even on a dad day I can find some thing that I fancy to eat. I have taped over 150 films off the television, so that I can find some thing to watch that will cheer me up a little. I have some spare tobacco in a draw so that I do not run out of some thing to smoke. I have a couple of œ1 coins in a draw, so if I want to catch a bus into town I can do so, and have some money in the bank.

As I have said before, it would be foolish to think that you will not have some bad days. The wise thing to do is to plan for them, as that way it is possible to learn from them, and limit their damage.

If you feel upset then don't be afraid to cry, it is a good, healthy way of letting the hurt out. Trying to deny the grief, and pain, of your past by not crying will only prolong your agony. Do not be afraid to cuddle a teddy, or a pillow, and sob your eyes out, as it is something that your "inner child" has probably needed to do for years. If you hear an echo of a voice from the past telling you "big boys don't cry" tell it to piss off. All men cry at times, who ever they are, but some would be reluctant to admit they cry because they mistakenly believe it to be a sign of weakness. Crying only proves that you are human, and has nothing to do with weakness.