Be kind to yourself

During your voyage of recovery, there may be times when it can becomes an obsession for you. Your every moment awake filled with thoughts about how you ended up where you are in life. You will have many questions that you need answers to. Possibly you will spend hours reading book after book, searching for bits of information, looking for answers, and with each answer you may well find another two questions. If this sounds like you, then it's time to slow down and unwind, or you will risk burning yourself out. You need to be hard on yourself at times, and make sure you get time to relax. Your mind will not take in new information if you do not rest it at times. Your recovery will take time, but a few hours, or days rest will not slow things down, and giving your self a clearer mind will actually help. Recovery is not going to be any quicker by spending 20 hours a day thinking about it, than it will be by thinking for one hour a few days per week.

For me, I reached a stage where I had to lend out my books and videos on abuse to counselors, so that I did not have access to them, but then I also hoped that my the "T" would learn from them... he did not :(( ... but then in the end I did find a VERY good therp ;)) ... well two of the actually who I saw as a duo.

I had to do that to give my poor old brain a rest, give myself time to let some of the new information sink in. Sometimes it would work, and some times it would not. Fortunately for me I am a bit of a "Trekkie" ( Star Trek mad ), and watching episodes from tape usually relaxes me, but at times I even found myself analyzing how the characters reacted to different situations. I found that keeping a diary helped also. Not the small ones, it was on an A4 note pad, so I could write my thoughts, my doubts and my fears down. Not only did this slow my thinking down to a manageable level, I could also leave my thoughts there on paper, to go back to another day. This sometimes helped on a night time, as instead of laying awake in bed, I could tell myself that it was down on paper, and that those problems could be dealt with better on a fresh mind, after I had a sleep. My diary was also a good outlet for anger at times.

If you go out for a walk, or jogging, alone, then take a walkman with you to listen to. It will help to stop your mind wondering too much. At times I have found some of the "talk shows" handy on the radio, as I could follow the subject being discussed and hearing people talk made me feel less lonely. Listening to songs often would remind me of things, and people, from my past and set my mind wondering. You could record a tape of songs to listen to that cheer you up, without them reminding you of any painful memories.

Go to the cinema and watch a film, with a friend if possible. Not only will this get you out of the house, but it will give you a chance to relax. Treat yourself to some new cloths, or have a haircut, and it may help you feel a little better about yourself. If you go to a pub for a pint with a friend, then rather than sit and talk, have a game of darts, pool, snooker, or what ever you enjoy that will take your mind off your past. Not only do you need to give yourself a rest at times, it is also important to give those people around you a rest as well. As much as some friends may try to be supportive to you, it is unlikely that they will know how best to help you. It is hard to stand by and watch a friend struggling, and this could possibly lead your friends to feel inadequate, if they feel that they are letting you down. Also if you are always talking about your past, it can become rather tedious to someone else. So apart from giving yourself a rest, it is important to give your friends a rest from your past as well. If you do not do so, you may find that some of them will distance themselves from you at times. If they ask you how you are, when you meet, it may be out of politeness, so just say you are fine and leave it at that sometimes. Ring them on your good days as well, not just your bad days, and you will find it easier to get along with your friends. Few people like someone who moans all of the time, and often friends don't know how best to deal with people in emotional pain... or it reminds them of their OWN pain and need to hide from that.

It does not matter what you do to distract yourself, it can be computer games, gardening, jigsaws, D. I. Y. , window shopping, the list is endless. What is important is that it is enjoyable and relaxing, and that you do it! Treat yourself as well when you can afford it, even if it's not a lot. Do it as a reward for your self achievements. The treat may be a new shirt, or it may be something you like to eat that you have not had for a while, it could even be as simple as a Mars Bar. Remember; recovery is not a race, the days of punishing yourself should be in the past, so be kind to yourself.