The Top 16 Signs Your Inner Child is Unhappy

16.Hasn't touched your inner train set for days.

15.Spends all day sulking in your lower intestine.

14.You've stopped shouting "Wheeeee!" on the elevator at work.

13.Joins an inner gang and goes wilding through your pancreas.

12.You attempt to overdose on a lethal combination of J&B and M&M's.

11.When you try to hug him, he pulls away and calls you a "pathetic codependent loser."

10.When your boss calls you incompetant, you reply: "I know you are, but what am I?"

9.Has been sulking since you refused to buy that Power Ranger doll.

8.Constantly whacking the holy hell out of the inner puppy you gave him for his birthday.

7.You keep getting thrown out of bars for ordering Lucky Charms and Milk.

6.Primal scream portion of "Bert and Ernie's Anger Management Workshop" has kept you up three nights in a row.

5.Sudden urge to knock your morning cappuccino and bagel onto the floor.

4.You discover you have an Inner Madonna carrying your Inner Child.

3.Says she can't wait until she's 18 so she can "get the hell outta this dump."

2.You keep your therapist at bay with a Lego Uzi until gummi bear ransom is delivered.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Inner Child is Unhappy...

1.Hires an inner lawyer and slaps your ass with a $40 million inner lawsuit.