Ideas to help your Inner child feel loved and wanted

How do i nurture my innerchild ?

We all have littles inside us, no matter what our childhood was like, however, for survivors of abuse , these littles can often be more than just an urge to do something considered to be “childish”. They are separate personalities, with their own needs and feelings. It may sound a little scary to know you have more than one personality, but once you start to nurture your little(s), you can start to help them feel less afraid, less alone, and help turn them into the happy, carefree kids they should have been.

Many survivors are diagnosed with MPD/DID, and having a little does not necessarily put you into this category.

Survivors of abuse have had to grow up fast, and often the child does not get a chance to grow, and become an adult, with adult feelings. They are left behind, scared and bewildered. Unable to do the things they enjoy, things that so many children take for granted.

So now you know you have a little, how do we go about helping them to grow and heal? Well, think about things you used to like doing as a child and things you would expect a child to want to do.

1. Drawing. Many adults enjoy drawing or colouring, and kids just love to express themselves in this way. Big yellow suns, green spiky grass, and white fluffy clouds. Try buying yourself a pack of inexpensive crayons, and draw some colourful pictures. Let your little’s imagination guide you, and always remember to praise them for their masterpiece!

2. Reading. We all know how much kids enjoy listening to a story, so try reading to your little. If you don’t have children of your own, you could try buying some second hand kids books from boot fairs or second hand shops. They are inexpensive, but could turn into your littles most prized possession!

3. Food and drink. Ever walked past a sweet shop, and just had the urge to buy some of them sweets you used to love so much as a child? Well, now is the time to indulge. Let your little choose their favorite sweets, or maybe a favorite childhood drink, such as Coke, or Dr Pepper!

4. Films. Try watching a child’s film. Maybe you have seen a trailer for a film you would like to go and see at the cinema, or rent one out for the night. Let your little choose which film they would like to see, get some popcorn and make a night of it! Cartoons can also be a great source of fun, especially if you haven’t watched them for a while, thinking they are too childish.

5. Toys. These can be expensive to buy, but it can really make your little feel special if you can buy a couple of small toys. A teddy is an essential item for a little, find one that feels ‘just right’ to hug. A small teddy kept in your pocket can also help your little feel more relaxed and reassured when out.

6. Imagination. Not all outlets for your little need to be so obvious to onlookers. You can let your little out as you go for a walk, or relax in the park. Try looking around at the grass and the trees, look at unusual houses, or tall buildings, and enjoy the sense of wonder your little experiences. Or maybe just have a little daydream about a happy event. A make-believe party or just a sunny day playing on the swings.

7. Pets. If you have the time and the space, it may be worth considering getting a pet. Always think carefully about this though, as most pets live for many years. Only get one you are able and willing to care for. Playing with a puppy or kitten could be a good way to let your little out for a while, without it being too obvious to anyone that may be watching!

8. Birthday s and Christmas. These can be very difficult times for your little, if as a child these were unhappy times for you. It should be a time when children enjoy receiving gifts and attention, but if these were never part of your childhood, or if these were times when your abuse r had more access to you, your little could find them particularly difficult. It is a time to reassure your little that they are worthy of the love and care you give them. Try to buy them a small gift, or at least make them a small card to open and read. Make these times special for them. Let them know that you think they are special, and you are happy they are around. Take your little out to see Xmas lights and shop decorations, maybe go out, or cook a special meal. These can be hard times for you too, so concentrate on feeling good, and doing things you have always wanted to do, but never been able to as a child.

All these things, although quite simple to put into practice can help your little feel loved and nurtured, special and wanted, and will help them to understand that they are worthy of being loved. It is be very rewarding to feel how much your little loves you as you show them the love and care they have always been deprived of. Slowly your little will start to feel worthy of your attention, loved and nurtured. This in turn will make you happier, and more contented. If you have children of your own, you may realise that you have been doing some of these things for years, and never realised quite how much time you have been giving to your little!

first written by Twilight (aest forums member/moderator)
with help from Moonbeam (innerchild)

This article is © aest.org.uk (all rights reserved)
This page was last updated/modified 17th July 2008

Ideas to help your Inner child feel loved and wanted

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